shortsightedlove | [009: Video]

It was phrased terribly. You do yourself an injustice, that persona, that you that you 'are', you cover yourself up with it, but it isn't… you are far more than that, someone limited to the role of 'leader', 'Founder', 'Warlord'. So very much more.

And the doubt I speak of isn't about the choices you have made, but the doubt that those choices, necessary though they may be, may have had the secondary effect of turning you into that tyrant of which everyone speaks.

Do you see why I would object to that? I will not stand by and allow such a creature take over my friend whom I love.

[He's silent for a little, thinking.] ...Of course I am. How am I limiting myself? I told you, I know there's more to me than people like the Doctor see.

I'm not a tyrant. [He shifts uncomfortably.] How would someone like Braxiatel even know? He wasn't actually there. We had a vote for both the Final Sanction and, later, breaking out of the Time Lock. Were I a tyrant, I doubt I would have held them. So why should I doubt?

And I am not being taken over by anything.

Edited 2011-03-16 23:53 (UTC)

I know but when you're not here with me, does it ever get a viewing? A say?

There you are! You see? You can hardly say the word without doubting it, feeling uncomfortable.

And as for Brax, you made victims of two women he cares about and his brother, regardless of their own parts in the incident and all he does know about your return is that you kill Narvin, Romana and Leela are unaccounted for, and, under your watch, his brother had to decide whether he should destroy the world or let this plan of yours destroy the entire universe!

He doesn't know about the votes, because you never told him.

I do what I need to do. If I don't have the time to sit down and drink tea with someone, I shall not do that. I have a duty to fulfil, after all.

And I do not doubt! Why should I? I know the truth, they do not.

Does he know why Narvin was executed? Has he cared to ask? I did not break any laws. Executing a traitor, in accordance with the constitution, hardly makes me a tyrant. And I didn't kill the other two.

He does not know anything about how I have ruled, apart from the fact that I had traitors executed. He should either keep quiet or inform himself.

You have the abundance of time, don't make excuses.

I'm sure Brax can think of many reasons why Narvin would be executed, but that does not mean he knows how you lead. And how do you think he could inform himself? I wasn't there. The Doctor, perhaps, Narvin himself?

An abundance of time? Are you mocking me? When did I have that time? Come on, enlighten me! During the Time War? In the Divergent universe? Oh, but of course! How could I not notice? There was so much time for things like tea between the getting experimented on, the hiding, the attempts to get out! And naturally, I should have taken my time while my people were being slaughtered! How foolish of me, to think I don't have time!

[He had leaped up and started screaming, his face taking on an ugly red colour.]

And yes, he could ask Narvin. Or perhaps even me, I'd be delighted to prove his misconceptions wrong.

[He slumps back into his seat, all his power seemingly gone.]

[Omega jumped but listened to what he had to say. His voice is slightly shaken but quiet.] Now. I meant, now. You're not in the Time War, or the Divergent Universe. You're safe, here. No one is going to attack you.

Then why hesitate? Why not prove him wrong? Are you going to let his bitterness over his failure stop you?

And what do you think I am doing? I'm here, am I not? Talking with you? I even had tea with my Warden! What do you want from me?

[He doesn't address his failure to inform Braxiatel. Clearly, it's Brax' fault for not asking, and he wishes Braxiatel would just disappear anyway.]

[Omega's trying very hard not to snap.] Tell me why you're angry. What was I doing to make you feel hurt or angry? Why can't I suggest that you're better than a tyrant and that everyone should know that?

This isn't about what I want. What I want is for you to be happy, content. To not feel the need to... shout at me.

What did I do to you?

You keep accusing me! I don't have such doubts. [Yep. Absolutely not. No denial involved, never.] And I don't limit myself. Why should I? And when am I supposed to have done that? I play, compose... I talk with you, I talk with others... But you keep [poking at my issues] insisting that I am 'sabotaging' myself!

I don't want to be angry at you.

Accuse? [Temper is gone.] I have never accused you of being a tyrant! Your damned sensitive nature is putting words in my mouth! That's why I think you have doubts! You always assume I think the worst of you!

Then why are you pursuing a relationship with me? If you think I value you so lowly? What does that say?

I never said that! I didn't... I don't have doubts! But you keep insisting I have them, no matter how many times I deny that! That is what I meant, not you... I know you don't think me a tyrant. [He hopes, at least.]

And I don't think you value me lowly. I... I simply don't want talk about these things...

[Bitterly.] Yes, once more with feeling.

You're the one who brought it up.

What? [The red blotches are mostly gone by now; he just looks distressed.]

How so? I simply told I found what you said back then hurtful when you joked about it.

I wasn't referring to that instance at all. And it was you who said it in the first place. I was the one hurt. What I said hurt you... but I didn't say for you to go away. I never did. My isolation... I dealt with why it hurt others, but why it hurt me...

But here you are, pretending that you're just fine, well, that's great, Rass, but I'm not! I never am, so when you're pretending, you're pushing me away because guess what? I'm never... I'll never live up to that. I'll never be as 'recovered' as you are or as Brax is... oh, why do you all have to pretend?

[He gets up himself, walking to a far corner because tears are threatening again. The Doctor never cries this much.]

Edited 2011-03-17 22:58 (UTC)

O... Omega? [He half stands up, before keeping where he is, because he doesn't know if Omega would want him to follow.] I didn't mean to hurt you, but... you said - you said these things, that I'm insufficient and... I thought you didn't - want me around, if I'm not how I used to be. I don't want you to go away.

And tell me. What bothers you? I'm your friend, after all. I simply... I want to be fine. I am, because... there's no reason not to be, right? So tell me why you're not, so... I can help.

[How to deal with your personal problems for Time Lord Presidents:

a) they aren't so bad, just think about it logically
b) deny they exist at all -- if you keep saying you're fine, they will spontaneously disappear
c) slowly go insane, snap and start vaporizing people

Choose whichever option you deem appropriate -- or even try out all three!]

[He bumps his head against the wall, wanting to get angry, instead of… he used to be so good at being angry! But now, now he tries to summon it up, he can't, he can't and it makes him feel so weak and what good is he? How is he supposed graduate Brax, help Rassilon if he's going to feel like this every time he speaks to them? Oh, sure, he can keep it mostly together when he talks to Brax, thanks to that shielding of his, and not the kind against telepathy, but the feeling of helpless always springs up and he can't quite hide it!.]

Fine.

[He's not talking to Rassilon, just repeating the word as if it were a vile curse.] Finefinefinefinefine. [He's found the anger but it just chokes him.]

[Rassilon's eyes widen and he gets up, after all, quietly approaching his friend. He lightly touches Omega's arm.] Omega, what is it?

Edited 2011-03-17 23:32 (UTC)

[He looks blankly at the hand.] Fine. Everyone says fine.

[Rassilon looks unsure. Emotional outbursts? Easy. Actually dealing with the consequences? Err...] You don't want that?

[Omega shakes his head, which is resting now on the wall.] Fine means stop. Go away. Leave me alone. I can't help people who are fine. So many people and they're all fine!

I don't want you to go away! I want you to be with me. I always have. How should I be fine otherwise? I don't care what Braxiatel or anyone else says, but I would never want you to leave me.

Then what do you want? To believe you when say that but act differently? You say fine to shut me up, stop me from prying, so you don't have to know how you feel. Pretend it's not there, then it won't be.

[Now it's his turn to stare blankly. What. What. stop seeing through him, Omega! And don't criticize his awesome problem solving skills. Maybe it's time for d) freak out and start shouting? ...Wait, he's already done that.]

I... I don't want to talk about these things. They just make both of us upset and... I don't want that to happen, so... It has always worked until now.

Of course, it makes us upset! It's upsetting! But it's there lurking under the skin, whether or not we talk about it.

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